


The Past that changed everything

by thatisillogical



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Other, Warning: Rape..Abuse..Attempted Suicide..Cutting..Mentions of blood..
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-11-22 23:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20882507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatisillogical/pseuds/thatisillogical
Summary: This is my version of Logan Logic Sanders past it's very sad and angsty so you might cry unsure i cried while writing this plus this is based off of my own experiences sadly s-so enjoy!





	1. Turn for the worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betrayal

Logan was helping his friend with his upcoming party

"Friend": so could you help me out?

Logan: Sure!

The two of them passed out the invitations to the party there was no more

Logan: so am I invited too?

"Friend: WHAT? You invited only cool people are invited your not cool at all.

His so-called friend stood there with a smile then left

̸̨̯̺̺̟͐̿L̶͉͚̤̄̒̂ö̶̡̥̆̕g̸̟̺̑̽̒̊a̵͙̣̫͗͜n̵̹̝̗͋̑̿̑͜ '̷̡̙̳̭̼̆̉̕s̴̼͇̱̟̑̀͑ ̷̪́̏̆̃̃t̶̙̯̱̩̗̀͗̈̓̿h̸͖̖̓ͅo̷̰̭͝ų̶̚g̸̬̐͗h̷̛͖̤̎̓͠t̵̛̻̺͖̃͂̈͜͠s̶̢̒̃͒̚:

̴̩͙̆͛̅F̸̬̲͉͐̌ŕ̴̞i̷̱͓͑̕͠e̴͍̜͇͑͌n̸̮̈d̵̩͛s̸̥̠͂̅͆ ̴̪̄͗̈́d̷̯̳́ͅȍ̶̳̳̕n̵͙͔͉̓͂ '̵͔̈́t̵̠͇̺̍͠ ̸̞̗̭̓ḛ̸́x̸͇͛͗̌i̶͕̬̚ş̶͉̓͘ţ̶̅͂ ̸̨̬̭̊͊

E̸̼̿͝v̷̹͇̋ȩ̵͒͝ŗ̸̃y̶̭̰̋͜ŏ̵͚̒̏n̶͍͋̆ē̵̞̪̪̔ ̴̗̖̗͆̏i̷̫͎̅͠s̴̹̦̏͋ ̸̱̑́͝ȧ̷̱̎̈́ ̷̺͗̈́l̵̛̹̤̑î̶͎̟̳ą̶̖̋̓r̵̪͑̅

Everything was turning dark

...

This will make more sense later


	2. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others see Logan for the first time

Highschool

Patton: Oh wow it's so big!

Roman: indeed fair maiden oh I wonder how big the auditorium is!

Virgil: I-It's Okay...

The three went into the school

Principle: Hello new students feel free to look around but I warn you of a kid that likes to cause trouble here we will not tolerate him hurting any more students.

Patton: Okay?

Roman: I shall protect the both of you if he tries to harm you

Virgil stayed silent

Principle: Speaking of... Hey! Stop it he has done nothing to you!

The Principle said walking over to a kid trying to beat another

Principle: My office now.

?????: Tsk! Whatever.

Principle: Now

?????: I'm going jeez

The kid with dark blue hair stormed off to the main office

Principle: Sorry about that

Patton: It's okay!

Roman: It wasn't a bother at all

Virgil: It's fine...

Principle: Here are your schedules and feel free to explore until it's time to go to the auditorium

Patton: Thank you

Roman: Thank you sir

Virgil: Thanks...

Principle: Now I have to go deal with the boy hope you here goodbye

Patton: Bye bye

Roman: Well we shall get going right Patton and Virgil

Virgil: Y-Yeah

In the Principles office

Principle: *sigh* You have been in my office multiple times and I have given you multiple warnings and I don't think you do this for fun either.

?????: Tsk and what do you know?

Principle: I will be informing your parents

????? eyes widened

?????: N-NO! You don't do that.

Principle: Oh you never reacted like this before is there a problem at home

????? stayed silent

Principle: Logan Sanders is everything alright?

Logan still stayed silent

Principle: *sigh* Alright I will give you one last chance before I inform your parents now out you go

Logan left the office and went to his homeroom

Patton, Roman, and Virgil had the same homeroom as him

Roman and Virgil were talking to each other when there was a slam on a desk everyone looked in the direction Logan once again was trying to hurt another and that other was Patton

Roman: Hey! Leave my friend alone!

Logan: Or what you will tell on tsk like you're strong enough to beat me

that's when the teacher came in to see what was happening

English teacher: Logan Sanders office now

Logan: What! No!

English teacher: You heard me office Now

Logan ran out of the room he looked like he was going to cry.


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh

Warnings: Angst, abuse, mentions of alcohol, Hitting, poor self-image, depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder, lack of food, cutting, and blood. please tell me if there is any more

Logan ran into the bathroom after running out of the room he was planning to hide there for the rest of the day

The school's security was looking for him while the Principle was looking back on the security cameras 

Logan was trying to be quiet but let out a sob and that was what lead him to be found

Security 1: Logan Sanders We have come to collect you and bring you to the office

Logan was trying to stay hidden and silent but knocked something over but the Principle came in

Principle: Logan we gave you a chance now come with us we have to inform your parents

Logan started screaming at them

Logan: NO! I AM NOT GOING BACK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE HURT AGAIN!

Logan realized what he said and tried to flee but was caught by the Officer

Logan: LET ME GO!

Principle: You need to calm down and tell us what's happening at home

Logan stopped struggling and looked away

Logan: Nothing

The Principle sighed and told the officer to let go and Logan ran off he was going to call his home to see what's happening

Principle: Hello is this Mrs. Sanders?

Logan's Drunk mother: *hic* Yeas

Principle: It seems your son has some behavior issues and I was wondering if anything was going on at home?

Logan's Drunk mother: Nah evrything is fine 

Principle: Okay just trying to be sure all of our students are safe, good day

Logan's Drunk mother: Yeah yeah

She hung up

Logan came into the office looking down so that way no one can see him cry

Logan: Why...

Principle: Hm? Oh, you decide to show up well I already called your mother and informed her abou-

Logan: YOU BASTARD! 

Logan ran out of the school and decided to go home

Logan's Drunk mother: Why the hell *hic* are yous home!

Logan: I-I

His mother punched him

Logan spit up blood and started having terrible flashbacks

Logan's Drunk mother: You dam childs are jus so idiotic yous should know betters

Logan: M-Mom I'm s-s-sorry

Logan's Drunk mother: To lates for that whiny bitch

Logan: Mom...

Logan was shaking he was scared, he was scared it would go that far again but he ran to his room

Logan's Drunk mother: You better runs *hic*

Logan's room

Logan locked his door

Logan: Why did they have to get in my business they could have killed me

Logan saw his razor blade

Logan:..... Maybe it won't hurt much

he grabbed it and slid it across his skin

Logan looked at the blood dripping onto the carpet and started feeling better

Logan did it one more time

he kept doing it until there was a bang at the door.


	4. Why did you do it...

Warnings: Angst, abuse, mentions of alcohol, Hitting, poor self-image, depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder, lack of food, mentions of rape, cutting, and blood. please tell me if there is any more 

The door was slammed open and Logan's drunk mom and angry dad was there

Logan's dad: You have explaining to do! because I received information of what you doing in school!

His dad pulled out a restraint 

Logan: D-Dad please don't...

The next day

Logan was limping to school and some kids laughed some stayed silent

The teachers hadn't noticed until class where he kept shuffling in his seat

English teacher: Is everything alright Mr. Sanders..

Logan: O-Oh yea-yeah

English teacher: good because we wouldn't like to inform your parents again

Logan: Y-Yes sir...

One of the students started to say something

Random student: Heh! I bet he got fucked by his dad because of how slutty he is!

That broke Logan

He tipped the desk over and ran into the hallway and slid down the wall crying

?????: Are you okay?

Logan didn't say anything

?????: Would you like to talk about it I can get some of my friend to help

Logan nodded quickly 

????? ran off and came back as soon as possible

"Is everything alright?"

That voice sounded familiar

Logan looked up to see three familiar people but one he didn't know

Roman: Isn't he the one who bullied you Patton?

Patton: Yeah but we will come back to that later Roman

Roman: We shoul-

Virgil: Let's not worry about right now look at him

Logan looked away

Patton grabbed his arm to help him up but Logan hissed in pain

His arm was showing multiple wounds and they looked clean

Virgil looked at Logan

Virgil: Why?

Logan: W-Why what?

Virgil: Why did you do it?

Logan looked at his arms then looked away

Logan: Because...

The unknown one spoke up

Deceit: Because why?

Logan didn't answer

Emile: You can tell us

Logan: Because.....I'm afraid of....of

Patton went down to Logan's level

Patton: We won't judge you, I promise

Logan looked up with even more tears in his eyes and gave Patton a hug letting out a sob

Patton: It's okay I will make sure you aren't hurt anymore just let it out

Logan started crying harder he built up his walls for years but finally letting them down

Logan: I'm a-afraid t-t-that they will hurt me a-a-again.

Patton: It's okay we will make sure you will no longer get hurt.

They stayed there calming down Logan till the end of the day.


	5. I Have to Go...I should just go

Warnings: Angst, abuse, mentions of alcohol, Hitting, poor self-image, depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder, lack of food, cutting, thoughts of suicide, and blood. please tell me if there is any more 

They stayed there till afternoon

Logan: W-What time is it?

Virgil: 6:32 Why

Logan looked terrified 

Patton: What's wrong?

Logan: I Have to Go

Logan ran

Patton: Wait!

But it was too late he was gone

Roman: Why was he in such a hurry?

Deceit: I don't suspect something

Emile: Do you think he will be in trouble?

Logan's home

Logan's dad: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LATE!

Logan: D-Dad I was at school

Logan's dad: That isn't an excuse young man!

Logan: Please dad I'm sorry

Logan's dad: Open your mouth you little pussy

Logan opened it and his dad put hot sauce in his mouth

Logan's dad: No food and drinks for a week!

Logan hasn't eaten anything in two weeks and drank anything in three days

Logan's dad: God you're such a disappointment why can't you be like your brother he's dead

Logan ran to his room

Logan's room

Logan started to cut his arm again

Logan: Everyone is a liar

Logan: No one wants to be my frie-

Flashback

Logan was helping his friend with his upcoming party

"Friend": so could you help me out?

Logan: Sure!

The two of them passed out the invitations to the party there was no more

Logan: so am I invited too?

"Friend: WHAT? You invited only cool people are invited your not cool at all.

His so-called friend stood there with a smile then left

End of flashback

Logan: heheheh everyone uses me I'm not good enough for this world aren't I maybe I should just go like they wanted

Then his thoughts got interrupted and he dropped the rope when there was banging on the door

Policemen 1: It's the police open up!

Logan was terrified and froze

Policemen 2: You heard him open up

Tears started to fall from Logan's eyes

Logan: W-What do you w-want from m-m-me!

Policemen 1: We are here to collect you from this home

Logan: There is nothing wrong go away!

Policemen 2: We have gotten multiple reports of child abuse from here

Logan went silent then looked at his window and decided he was done he was going to jump as he was halfway out the window when the policemen broke down the door and caught him in the act and pulled him away

Logan: LET ME GO!

Policemen 2: Calm down sir.

Logan: NO LET ME GO!

And the next thing Logan knows he wakes up in a hospital


	6. Hospital

Warnings: Angst, abuse, mentions of alcohol, Hitting, poor self-image, depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder, lack of food, cutting, thoughts of suicide, mentions of attempted suicide, and blood. please tell me if there is any more

Logan: W-What the hell!

Doctor: Sir you need to calm down

Logan: NO WHY AM I HERE!

Doctor: You were brought here after you fell out of a window and a noose was found in your room seeming you were planning to kill yourself?

Logan looked away

At the front desk

Patton: Is Logan Sanders here!?

Receptionist: Yes he is

Virgil: Oh thank god

Roman: What a relief

Deceit: Why is he here

Emile: Yeah

Receptionist: You can ask the doctor that question

Patton nodded

Virgil: What room?

The receptionist told them the floor and room number

And so they went 

In the room

Doctor: I'm guessing that is a confirmed yes?

Logan nodded a little

Doctor: That gives us a little more information we can use

Patton: U-Um excuse me but is this Logan Sanders room

Doctor: Ah yes it is

Virgil: So is he alive?

Roman, Deceit, and Emile didn't say anything

Doctor: Yes he indeed is

Patton looked relieved

Patton: Can we see him?

The doctor nodded and motioned them to come in and they did

Patton: Logan?

Logan looked at them and teared up

Patton: Hey hey... it's okay we aren't mad we are happy that you are alive 

Logan: B-But I-I-I nearly killed myself

Patton: It's okay

Logan: I could hav-

Patton kissed Logan

Logan melted into the kiss

After a little bit, they both pulled back for air

Patton: That got you to be quiet

Logan: H-How long have you?

Patton: Liked you?

Logan nodded

Patton blushed

Patton: When I first saw you

Logan: I-I um I liked to since I saw you in the classroom

Patton smiled

Logan weakly smiled back

Logan looked around seeing stuff that looked familiar

He started having horrid flashbacks 

Flashback 1

Logan's dad: Come here little slut!

Young Logan: Dada please I'm sorry!

Logan's dad cut him with a scalpel and Logan screamed out of pain

Young Logan: Dada why...

Flashback 2

Logan's mother: Come here brat

Young Logan: Yes mommy?

Logan's mother stabbed him with a syringe filled with an unknown liquid

Young Logan: Mom! Ow! *He started to cry*

Logan's mother: What did boy! Stop crying and man up!

Young Logan: I-I sowwy Mommy

Final flashback

Logan's dad: Pin him

Young Logan: Mommy, Dada?

Logan's mother pinned him to the floor

Young Logan: Mommy what's happening!

Logan's dad shoved multiple different pills in his mouth

Logan started choking on them

Logan's dad signaled Logan's mother to let him go and she did

Logan immediately sat up and coughed the pills out breathing heavily

Logan's mother: God why did we have him

Logan's dad: I don't know he is such a burden to this family

Logan started to cry and ran to his room

End of flashbacks

Logan started crying and breathing heavily his vision was blurred and he couldn't hear the others calling his name

Logan couldn't recognize reality.


	7. Reality

Logan's thoughts: Am I dreaming? or am I dead I can't be dead but I don't see anything or hear anything, what is this am I in my thoughts no I can't but could I be I feel weird but I wish I could know.

Patton: Logan!

Virgil: Is he daydreaming?

Doctor: His brain has resorted to a calmer place to calm him he probably saw a couple of things that bring back bad memories

Virgil: So he's daydreaming

Doctor: Not exactly everything is blank when your brain does this you can't hear or see anything

Patton: Will he be okay

The doctor nodded

Roman: Thank god

Logan's thoughts: Can I get out of this state? Meh It's pretty calming here but I want to talk and hear and listen but noooo I can't because I don't know how Ugh! Hm, it's boring here.............I WANT OUT! UGH! I can see something finally 

Logan groaned

Patton: Oh! 

Logan: Ugh what the fuck

Virgil snickered

Logan: I can see finally

Patton: Can you hear

Logan: Noooooo I can't of course I can

Patton: Weeeell Mr.Sassy how you feeling? 

Logan: Better I guess

Virgil: Well are feeling up to going home?

Logan: Hmm Nope

Virgil: Wha?

Logan: I'm kidding I want out of here

Patton: Can he go?

Doctor: Well as long as someone keeps an eye yeah I don't see why not

Patton smiled

Logan: Finally

Virgil: Well hopefully it makes you happy

Emile: Yeah

Deceit and Roman nodded

Logan: Thank you all so much

Patton: Well it's reality 

Logan: Reality huh? Well, it's the reality that I like.


	8. Why do you care so much?... (Part one)

Warnings: Angst, mentions of abuse, Hitting, poor self-image, depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder, lack of food, cutting, thoughts of suicide, mentions of attempted suicide and blood please tell me if there is any more.

They are arriving at Logan's house to pick up his things

Patton: Oh wow...

Virgil: Holy shit this is just

Logan: I know it's a mess

The house was a wreck

Roman: Did you have to live with this

Logan: No my....father always cleaned up after my mother I'm going to get my stuff

Logan went up to his room

Logan's room

Logan: Oh...the rope...should I take it with me?

Logan held the rope in his hands

Flashback

Logan was helping his friend with his upcoming party

"Friend": so could you help me out?

Logan: Sure!

The two of them passed out the invitations to the party there was no more

Logan: so am I invited too?

"Friend: WHAT? You invited only cool people are invited your not cool at all.

His so-called friend stood there with a smile then left

\-------------------------------

Logan: heh heh everyone uses me I'm not good enough for this world aren't I maybe I should just go like they wanted

End of flashback

Logan dropped the rope and backed up into the door sliding down to the floor 

Logan: W-Why did I think t-that is i-it true

Logan had tears falling down his face

Patton knocked on the door

Patton: Logan? Are you ready?

Logan didn't respond and Patton started to get worried

Patton: Logan is everything okay?

Logan: H-Huh? Y-Y-Yeah ev-everything is f-fine

Patton: You don't sound fine Lo

Logan: W-Why do you c-c-care?

Patton: Because I love you Logie

Logan ran over to the rope and tossed it into his bag

Patton came into his room

Logan: O-Oh hey Patton

Patton: You're crying what happened?

Logan: O-Oh um memories bad memories

Patton: What's that?

Patton saw a little bit of the rope not knowing it was a noose

Logan: O-Oh it's nothing r-really

Patton: Can I see it?

Logan started panicking

Logan: O-Oh um I uh I-I

Patton: Logan is it something bad...

Logan: Why do you care so much?

Patton: Because

Logan: Because why?

Patton: Because I don't want to see you hurt again

Logan looked down then back to Patton

Logan: Fine... take a look at it

Logan stepped aside and Patton went over to his bag picking up the rope

Patton: L-Logan...

Logan started to cry

Logan: Look I'm s-s-sorry okay I couldn't h-handle it

Patton went over and hugged Logan

Patton: Shh it's okay you don't have to be sorry

Logan: B-But I

Patton: Logan It's okay you can let all your emotions out, okay baby

Logan just couldn't take it and started crying harder hiding his face in Patton's shoulder

Patton lowered both of them down to the floor

Logan's breathing was picking up speed but not too much it was because he was crying a lot and needed to breathe but it was hard for him to

Logan: I-I-I'm sor-sorry

Patton hugged him a bit tighter making sure he knows it's okay and he's safe

Patton: I will be here for you forever

Logan: I-I'm sorry!

Logan started to cry even harder and starting to shake

Patton rubbed his back gently and whispering sweet things to him trying to calm him down

Logan was starting to calm down a bit but was still frighted out of his mind

Patton: Logan do you take any medication?

Logan shook his head

Patton: Therapy?

Logan shook his head again

Patton was really concerned now Logan had nothing that was helping him with his condition

Patton: Let's get your things packed up then I'm going to bring you somewhere okay

Logan nodded and started grabbing his clothes from the closet and other things from his room and putting them into his bag

Patton: Ready?

Logan nodded 

Patton told Emile, Deceit, Roman, and Virgil where they were going they weren't going to Patton's house

They all got into the car and Logan didn't question where they were going but that didn't make him wonder

Where were they taking him?


	9. Familiar

They arrived

Logan finally asked the question

Logan: Where...Are we?

Patton: Erm...Somewhere good okay

The others agreed with Patton

Logan: Okay...

Logan shrugged it off

They entered the building

Logan looked around and Emile and Deceit stayed close to him while the other three went up to the front desk

Logan thought this place looked a little familiar 

Emile: Are you okay?

Logan nodded

Deceit knew he was lying

Patton had come up to them

Patton: We will be here for about five minutes 

They nodded

Logan kept looking around

Emile: It seems like you know this place

Logan: It feels like I have been here before but I......don't remember

Memory one

Years ago

Logan: Brother where are we going?

????: Somewhere where you can talk all about your feelings and not get in trouble and say all your problems and they will respect your privacy too 

Logan: Really!

????: Mmhm

Logan smiled

????: You know I love you and I want you to have a good life

Logan hugged him

Logan: You're the best big brother in the world!

????: And you are the smartest little brother in the world

Logan giggled

???? smiled

????: I'm going to see if I can work here one day

Logan: Will I be able to see you?

????: Of course you will

Logan: Yay!

They entered the building 

Logan looked around 

????: Hehe you think you would like it here

Logan nodded

End of memory


	10. It's good to see you

The other three came over

Patton: Everything okay?

Logan nodded

Emile: Do you think you were here before?

Logan shrugged 

Virgil: It's time

They all nodded and headed down a hallway

Logan looked around 

Memory two

Logan: I-Is this going to be bad?

????: It will be alright you are very brave right?

Logan: Right!

????: Good

They entered a room

????: Are you Mr.White?

Mr.White: Yes but you may call me Matt and who is this?

????: This is Logan, he has trouble expressing feelings 

Logan looked at him

Matt: Okay anything else?

????: He usually can have an outburst of anger because he builds up his feelings but there are other outbursts that don't involve anger

Matt: Okay may I speak to him?

????: You ready?

Logan shook his head no and hid behind ????

????: It's okay he won't hurt you

Logan: A-Are you sure?

????: Positive

Logan: Okay

End of memory two

They went into the room

Patton: Hello

????: Ah you must be here for Logan's appointment?

Patton: Yes, Logan?

Logan looked at them

????: Are you ready?

Logan: Wait...what?

????: Is something the matter?

Logan: N-No it's just familiar that's all

????: Okay so what is he here for?

Patton: Well it's hard for him to express feelings

????:......Wait a minute what his last name?

Patton: Sanders I think?

???? had a face of pure shock

Patton: Didn't the thing say your last name was Sanders?

????: May I speak to Logan alone

The others agreed at went into the waiting room

Logan seemed a bit nervous 

????: It will be alright you are very brave right?

Logan didn't respond 

????: Right?

Logan gave him a hug

???? hugged him back

Logan mumbled something

????: Hm?

Logan: You sound like my brother...

???? smiled

????: What was your brother's name?

Logan mumbled it

????: Hm?

Logan: It was..Remy

????: ....Did he tell you anything about this place?

Logan: He said he was going to work here one day if I remember

????: Okay um would you like to see him again

Logan: I can't...

????: Why?

Logan: He is...dead

????: Who told you that?

Logan:...My parents

????: Have you ever thought that they were lying?

Logan shook his head no

????: Do you think he could be alive?

Logan shrugged

????: I see...hm we'll meet again next week

Logan: I-I thought this was a one-time t-thing

????: It's way far from being a one-time thing but anyway I don't want to make you too uncomfortable asking you tons and tons of questions at once, but anyway I hope you have a good day.

Logan:....T-Thank you

Logan left the room meeting his friends which he didn't think that at the time and he talked and talked like he hadn't in years those years of silence wasted all because of shit parents but now he was free at last free to be himself and so much more and there is a lot more in store for him especially when it comes to *Glitched word* and for once he looks forward to the future.


End file.
